The Truth About Trauma, Complex PTSD & Recovery

I wanted to end the year with a few hard truths regarding Trauma, Complex PTSD and the recovery process..at least this is MY perspective and experience...Warning..there will be swearing..

Regardless of what you may be told..or might have read..recovery from PTSD (and more-so with Complex PTSD)..will be the hardest thing you will EVER do.

It fucking sucks..

Or at least..at times it sure did.

In the beginning stages, you feel great !

You get to talk with a professional that knows exactly what you are talking about..and more importantly..feeling.

For me..even having a name and diagnosis as to what I was feeling (or not feeling) was literally..life changing.

Eventually, you get down into the nitty gritty of your trauma(s) and issues and you will be surprised at what gets brought into the light.

NOW..the hard work starts.

You will face things that you have long since buried..or avoided.

You will doubt yourself, your past and your choices..not necessarily in that order.

When I was in the THICK of therapy..I remembered traumas that I had no memory of.

Eventually..the dark clouds and fog lift and sun shows itself.

You become calmer..less reactive..

And just like the Grinch..your heart will grow THREE SIZES that day.

Your self confidence will grow and you may even start to love yourself once again.

Now..in the beginning..there will be setbacks..

You will doubt everything about who you are...what you’re doing....or what to do..NOW.

These are normal responses..

I mean..think of trauma..especially multiple traumas giving you an injury..and it leaves you with a big ugly scab....now in my case..my scabs were thick !

Tearing them off is painful..but your body will heal and soon you will NEVER even know there was an injury there in the first place.

The best part about healing is rediscovering...EVERYTHING !

There are days still.. where the world just feels more amazing..the sun shines just a little bit brighter..and I feel (for the first time in forever)...like I can do anything.

For me..I even took a chance with that fucking four letter word I hated...FAITH.

Not the religious kind..(but that is fine too)...the faith in yourself...or myself to be precise..

Trauma takes from us..but healing..healing puts things back...

None of what I have gone through over the last 3 years or so has been easy..

It has been twice as hard for those closest to me.

I was only able to do this because of the grace of the people around me..

You know that saying...standing on the shoulders of giants.. ?

That doesn’t even come close..

More like...the amazing and selfless gift of grace by giants..

The truth about healing is that it is as hard a fuck..

With each trauma..we lose a piece of who we are..or were.

The acts of therapy, self-reflection (and most importantly) self-forgiveness gives us the chance to find those missing pieces of ourselves and put them back.

And THAT is worth all of the pain and struggle...truly.

If you have experienced trauma..real life changing trauma..reach out to a professional..find a therapist you feel comfortable with and just talk..YOU are worthy and deserve to heal from your past.

Take a chance on yourself.

You won’t regret it...

Merry Christmas to you and yours..