The Art Of Running Under Water
We all want to heal.
Those of us who have been touched by trauma…we all want to heal and find some semblance of “normal”… whatever that is…in whatever capacity we can.
As we navigate our way through this maze of memories, flashbacks and therapy, it’s easy to get lost. Hard to distinguish between feelings that come from the here and now, as opposed to feelings muddied by time and terror.
Moving forward is the goal.
Like taking a hill in a hard fought battle, celebrating every little victory is a necessary step in finding our way back to the beginning…and to ourselves.
Like the title suggests..this return to self and the steps needed can be slow.
Painfully so.
Like running under water, there can be much effort, with little ground taken.
Even then, as we see these obstacles ahead, we are unable to steer around them..all while moving in slow motion.
I don’t know about you..but I’ve been caught in this impossible place of desperation for change..to move forward and heal…while being terrified, frozen and overwhelmed at the exact same time…not to mention thinking I’ve made the worst mistake at every decision.
It has only been when I risk looking back, I allow myself to see the true distance that I’ve traveled, the obstacles I’ve overcome and how far I’ve come in my road to healing…that I see the truth of it all and not the truth my trauma whispers to me.
Taking the time to remind ourselves of everything we’ve done right..is a large part of healing from trauma. seeing the good, instead of the bad may take time..but eventually, that perspective will occupy our gaze..it will open up what we have worked so hard to close…the belief that we are worthy.