A Tempered Life

Winter has finally arrived.

It first showed up in the north and then slowly made it’s way down to the south where I live.

I despise this time of year.

The cold and darkness seeps in and the slow and easy going temperament of people, is replaced by a rushed and hurried group..as we dash from one warm place to another.

The fall itself is beautiful..especially where I live in Canada.

We are surrounded by trees throughout the city and in particular, the neighborhood that my wife and I live in.....and to see the leaves changing color every year... is truly something to behold.

This time of year is hard on me.

I live in a place that goes from plus 35 to minus 35 in 6 months..and I find the cold digs into my bones JUST a little deeper each year. Not to mention the sun setting at 4:00 Pm each night until about February.

Yesterday was the 27th anniversary of my cancer surgery...followed closely by the anniversary of me coming far to close to death.

These dates don’t have the same hold on me as they once did...but they HAVE left fingerprints.

Trauma teaches us Temperament....

It teaches us to have our guard up...

And it teaches us that things can change in a heartbeat...so always be ready.

As we heal from trauma, our gaze widens..we let down our guard..sometimes..and (hopefully) we allow ourselves to see the beauty in life...instead of the betrayal.....

I struggle to be fully free of Temperament.

I’ve used the term of “armouring up”..as a way we protect ourselves from the world. Unlike some peoples experience after trauma..my response was not to become hyper aggressive and grab life by the balls..

Mine was the opposite...

I was not “in it to win it“..I was just “in it to get through it“... mostly.

Now I realize how ridiculously lucky I am.

Not a single day goes by... where I am not incredibly grateful for everything that I have that is good in my life...

And there is SO much good.

The last step is to let go of living a tempered life..and to just live a life... a life free from armour..and fear.

I’m not too sure how to do that..yet.

With each new spring comes new beginnings...who knows what can happen when winter is over ?

Here is to an early and wondrous spring..